What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
