Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
