I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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