just come out here and I will go home with you...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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