I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
