who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
