I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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