youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
