Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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