Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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