I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
