your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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