Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
