That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
cat food counts as protein by the way
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
