He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
