She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
