I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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