Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
