I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
