I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I will pee on everything he values.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
