Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
