Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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