listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
