I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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