Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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