I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
