There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
two words...techno handjob
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
