I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
