youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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