the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
