I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
