I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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