what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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