if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
