walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
