sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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