if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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