i just had sex bonerless
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
pray to the hookup gods
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
