ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
