All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
