I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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