In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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