I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
