you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
