Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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