Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to make out with him forever
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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