i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
