Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
