the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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