i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
