They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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