I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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