I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
