oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
