1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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