Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
