I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
