how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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