I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
