When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
