the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize