our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
