I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
