Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
