Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
