just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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