i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
