dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
