new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
