He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
