we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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