i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
