yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
