oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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