the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My vagina is officially offended.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
