Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
