spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
