Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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