I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So squirting runs in the family.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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